Joke of the Week

We appreciate the jokes and/or funny stories.  Please keep them coming:  debi1948@gmail.com

 

 

  

 

I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you

 

A new sales assistant was hired at a large department store. On his first day, the sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by the gardening section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed. The sales manager stepped in.
Sales manager: Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?
Customer: I guess so. I’ll take one.
Sales manager: And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?
Customer: Um, okay.
Sales manager: Here’s a couple of bags. You’ll also need a lawn mower to cut the grass when it starts growing too long.
Customer: I’ll take one of those too.
After the customer left, the sales manager turned to the assistant. “You see?” he said, “that’s the way to make a good sale. Always sell more than what the customer originally came in for.”
Impressed, the assistant headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where he was to work. Soon, a man strolled in.
Man: I’d like to buy a pack of Tampax, please.
Sales assistant: Sure, and would you like to buy a lawn mower too?
Man: Why would I want to do that?
Sales assistant: Well, your weekend’s shot to hell anyway, so you might as well mow the lawn.

 

A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”
The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”
The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.”
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”
The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me. What should I do?”
The Rabbi then offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. “I called your wife and spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?”
The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, “Take the poison!”

 

I was in a public toilet and had just sat down, when I heard a voice from the next stall.
He said, “Hi, how are you?” Embarrassed I said, “I am doing fine.”
The voice said, “So what are you up to?” I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!”
From the next stall came, “Can I come over?” Annoyed, I replied, “Rather busy right now!”
Then the voice said, “Listen, I will have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the next stall here answering all of my questions.”

 

 

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.
The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, “Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy?
Grandpa, being in a kind of ill mood, responded “No, I don’t really want to make the sound of a frog now.”
So, the second little boy came out and asked his grandfather, “Will you please make a sound like a frog?”
Grandpa again said, “No, not now. I don’t really want to do that. I’m in a grumpy mood. Maybe later.”
Then the third little boy came out and pleaded, “Grandpa, oh please, please, please will you make a sound like a frog?”
“Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?” Grandpa asked quite annoyed.
The oldest little boy replied with a hopeful face, “Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!”

 

A man went grocery shopping with his wife. They split to save time, he was to get produce and she would get dairy. With his hands full of fruit and veggies, the man walked over to the dairy section to meet with his wife, but he couldn’t see her anywhere.
After walking up and down a few aisles, he approached the very beautiful woman in aisle 9 and said, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Sure, but how will that help?”
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

 

 

 

 

“